I’m a candle at its last burn.

I committed Architecture into God’s hands. I said to Him at the start of the year, “God, Architecture is all Yours.” and now look at the state I am in. I forsake church for architecture. Sure I may be committing architecture on to him, BUT. With my daily lifestyle I dont know if I am truly doing so.
Cursing swearing negativity unhappiness saying bad words to my friends not just to at them! You’re stupid. You’re dumb. I hate you. You’re evil. You mean. You bad. Damn you. ALL THESE WORDS WHY DO THEY POUR OUT OF MY MOUTH?! They’re terrible beyond all means. I really HIGHLY DISLIKE IT. I admit I have sinned, terribly.
That’s the first sin.

Second. Or at least my second problem.

Everyone’s telling me I’m doing something wrong. My attitude my work my lifestyle my thoughts my brain my feelings. Then I think oh it’s okay I always make mistakes. I’m always wrong. I never really did excel and I never really had any kind of confidence in myself. So i try to desparately move on. I move on move on move on.
I TRY.

Then I always always confide my problems in others. I always tell them how much i feel how much it pains me. I always tell them how much and I just feel like I burden them. They’re my friends and we’re supposed to have fun not sad teary annoying little things that they probably won’t care about at all.
But it’s okay I just need to force myself to be more cheerful I guess…

BUT STOP I HAVE ONE THING THAT MATTERS A LOT. And that person is Jesus.

One: the mouth is like fire, dangerous, what you say will come true, your mouth is a double edged sword, your words are like daggers. REMEMBER. God gave you the ability to speak. But to UPLIFT OTHERS WITH YOUR WORDS, not make them feel worse. Let them feel the goodness of your god in the words you speak.

Two: problems difficulty are all part and parcel in life about learning and discovering. God gave me these obstacles to learn how to lean on Him. He is ALWAYS there to help. But I myself should count my blessings. Not my misfortunes. YES.

Three: friends will be friends. You are being you around them and that is great enough. For friendship is through tough times that bonds are made.

I am emotionally drained. Again there’s the question of should I be with Susu? Again should I have chosen architecture? Should I have begun as a god believer? Should I?